Following Them in Death: Breaking the Pull Toward Premature Departure Through the Akashic Records #

One of the most profound and dangerous patterns in family systems occurs when living family members unconsciously follow deceased loved ones toward death. Bert Hellinger identified this as "following them in death" – a pattern where deep love and loyalty create an unconscious pull toward premature departure through illness, accidents, suicide, or simply giving up on life. Through the Akashic Records, we can see these death-pulls with startling clarity and understand how to break them while honoring the love that creates them.

Understanding the Death-Following Pattern #

Hellinger's Discovery #

Hellinger observed that when family members die – especially children, young parents, or those who died tragically – other family members sometimes unconsciously attempt to join them. This isn't necessarily conscious suicidal ideation, but rather a deep energetic pull toward death that manifests in various ways:

Unconscious Death Seeking:

• Repeated dangerous situations or near-death experiences
• Chronic illness that doesn't respond to treatment
• Depression and life-force depletion
• Reckless behavior or self-destructive patterns
• Simply "giving up" and losing the will to live

The Energetic Reality in the Records #

When we examine death-following patterns through the Akashic Records, they often appear as:

Magnetic Pull: A powerful energetic force drawing the person toward deceased family members
Golden Threads: Beautiful but deadly connections pulling the living toward the dead
Open Doorways: Spiritual portals between life and death that remain open inappropriately
Split Consciousness: Part of the person's soul appearing to have already left with the deceased
Dark Gravity: Heavy, downward-pulling energy that makes life feel impossibly difficult

The Love Behind the Death Wish #

Understanding the Soul's Logic #

From the Records' perspective, following someone in death always begins as an expression of profound love:

"I Can't Live Without You": The belief that life isn't worth living without the deceased person
"I Don't Want You to Be Alone": Attempting to join the deceased so they won't be lonely
"I Should Have Gone Instead": Survivor guilt leading to desire to trade places
"Life Is Too Painful Without Them": Using death as escape from unbearable grief
"This Will Reunite the Family": Believing death will restore family wholeness

When Love Becomes Deadly #

While the impulse comes from love, the Records reveal that following someone in death actually serves no one:

It Doesn't Help the Deceased: Dead family members don't need living people to join them
It Violates Natural Order: Each person has their own life span and purpose
It Wastes Sacred Life: The living person's life has its own meaning and service
It Traumatizes Survivors: Creates more family trauma and death-following patterns
It Blocks Spiritual Growth: Premature death prevents completion of soul lessons

Common Death-Following Patterns #

The Grieving Parent #

The Pattern: Parent following a child who died young
The Pull: "A parent should never outlive their child" leading to unconscious death-seeking
The Manifestation: Rapid health decline, accident-prone behavior, or complete life withdrawal

Case Study - The Mother's Choice:
Linda came to me six months after her teenage son died in a car accident. She was experiencing rapid health decline despite being previously healthy, and kept having near-miss accidents. Her doctors found nothing medically wrong, but she was clearly fading.

In her Records, I saw Linda standing at the edge of a bright doorway with her son on the other side, reaching out to her. The pull was so strong that part of her energy had already crossed over – she was literally dying of grief and the desire to be with her child.

The Visual Healing: We saw Linda's son stepping back from the doorway and gently pushing her away, saying: "Mom, I'm okay here. You need to live. Your life still has purpose." We closed the inappropriate spiritual portal while maintaining a healthy love connection.

The Survivor Child #

The Pattern: Living child following sibling who died
The Pull: Survivor guilt, feeling they should have died instead, or believing parents would prefer the deceased child
The Manifestation: Self-destructive behavior, repeated accidents, chronic illness, or suicidal thoughts

Case Study - The Wrong Child Lived:
Tom struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since childhood, despite having no apparent trauma. His Records revealed that his twin brother had died at birth, and Tom had spent his entire life feeling he was the "wrong" child who survived.

The visual showed Tom with one foot in the world of the living and one foot in the realm of the dead. He had never fully incarnated because he felt guilty about being alive when his brother wasn't.

The Healing Process:

1. Meeting the Twin: Tom energetically met his deceased brother, who expressed joy about Tom's life
2. Permission to Live: The brother gave Tom permission to live fully without guilt
3. Full Incarnation: Tom called all of his soul energy back into life and embodiment
4. Purpose Recognition: Understanding that his survival had meaning and purpose

The Widow/Widower Following #

The Pattern: Surviving spouse following deceased partner
The Pull: "Till death do us part" interpreted as "even death won't part us"
The Manifestation: Rapid decline after spouse's death, losing will to live, or dangerous grief behaviors

Case Study - The Inseparable Couple:
Robert's wife of 40 years died suddenly, and within months he was experiencing heart problems, forgetting to eat, and becoming increasingly isolated. His children were worried he was dying of a broken heart.

His Records showed Robert and his wife still energetically joined at the heart, with Robert being pulled into her death experience. The love connection had become a death connection, draining his life force.

The Healing: We transformed the energetic connection from death-bonding to love-blessing, allowing Robert to carry his wife's love while fully choosing life.

Generational Death Patterns #

How Death-Following Spreads Through Families #

Family Death Clusters: Multiple family members dying around the same time or age
Anniversary Deaths: Family members dying on significant dates related to previous deaths
Age-Specific Deaths: Multiple generations dying at the same age
Method Repetition: Similar causes of death recurring through generations
Seasonal Patterns: Deaths occurring at the same time of year across generations

Multi-Generational Death Pulls #

Case Study - The Century of Grief:
Margaret's family had a pattern of women dying young – every generation for over 100 years had lost at least one woman before age 45. Margaret was approaching this age with increasing anxiety and health problems.

Her Records revealed that the pattern began with her great-great-grandmother who died in childbirth. Each subsequent generation of women had unconsciously followed her in early death, believing this was their family fate.

The Lineage Healing:

1. Ancestral Meeting: Margaret met with all the deceased women in her lineage
2. Understanding the Origin: Learning about the original death and its circumstances
3. Breaking the Agreement: The ancestors releasing future generations from the death pattern
4. Life Blessing: Each ancestor blessing Margaret and future generations to live fully
5. Pattern Interruption: Margaret consciously choosing to be the generation that breaks the pattern

The Spiritual Confusion About Death and Love #

Misunderstanding Life and Death Relationships #

The Records reveal common spiritual misunderstandings that fuel death-following:

"Love Means Being Together Always": Believing true love requires physical proximity even in death
"Death Reunites Families": Thinking premature death restores family wholeness
"Grief Proves Love": Using life-threatening grief to demonstrate love for deceased
"I Can't Be Happy Without Them": Believing joy betrays the deceased person's memory
"They Need Me There": Thinking deceased family members are lonely or need earthly companionship

The Truth About Love and Death #

Deceased Don't Need Living Company: Dead family members are complete and don't require living people to join them
Love Transcends Death: True love continues without requiring physical presence or death
Life Honor Death: Living fully honors deceased loved ones better than dying prematurely
Joy Celebrates Life: Happiness celebrates the love shared rather than betraying memory
Separate Journeys: Each soul has its own path and timing for death

Identifying Death-Following Patterns #

Emotional and Mental Signs #

Chronic Depression: Persistent sadness and hopelessness that seems connected to someone's death
Suicidal Ideation: Thoughts of death that feel like calling or reunion rather than escape
Life Disengagement: Withdrawing from activities, relationships, and future planning
Anniversary Symptoms: Health problems or mood changes around death-related dates
Survivor Guilt: Feeling guilty about being alive when others have died

Physical and Health Signs #

Mysterious Illness: Chronic health problems that don't respond to treatment
Accident Proneness: Repeated near-misses or injuries that seem "coincidental"
Energy Depletion: Chronic fatigue and lack of life force
Immune System Problems: Frequent illness and slow healing
Heart Issues: Cardiovascular problems that may be connected to grief

Spiritual and Energetic Signs #

Feeling Pulled Away: Sensation of being drawn away from life and earthly connections
Communication with Dead: Excessive focus on contact with deceased rather than living relationships
Death Fascination: Unusual preoccupation with death, dying, or the afterlife
Life Purpose Confusion: Inability to find meaning or purpose in continued living
Spiritual Exhaustion: Feeling depleted by the effort required to stay alive

The Akashic Records Approach to Breaking Death Pulls #

Seeing the Energetic Reality #

The Records provide clear visualization of death-following patterns:

The Pull Visualization: Seeing the magnetic force drawing you toward deceased family members
The Cord Recognition: Identifying death-bonds versus healthy love connections
The Portal Awareness: Recognizing inappropriate openings between life and death realms
The Energy Split: Understanding how part of your soul may have left with the deceased
The Family Pattern: Seeing how death-following affects the entire family system

Understanding the Spiritual Perspective #

Divine Timing: Each person has their own appointed time for death
Life Purpose: Every life has unique meaning and service that shouldn't be cut short
Spiritual Order: Natural order requires living and dead to remain in appropriate realms
Love Evolution: True love evolves to support life rather than encourage death
Service Completion: Living people have work to complete before their natural death time

Practical Techniques for Breaking Death Pulls #

The Death Portal Closing Ceremony #

Purpose: Closing inappropriate spiritual connections between living and dead

The Process:

1. Identify the Portal: Visualize the opening between life and death that's pulling you
2. Meet the Deceased: See your loved one on the other side of the portal
3. Express Your Love: Tell them how much you love and miss them
4. Hear Their Response: Allow them to express their love and concern for your life
5. Receive Their Blessing: Let them bless your continued life and future
6. Close the Portal: Visualize the opening sealing with divine light
7. Maintain Love Connection: Keep the heart connection while closing the death pull

The Life Choice Ceremony #

Purpose: Making a conscious choice to live fully despite grief

The Visualization:

1. Stand at the Crossroads: See yourself standing between paths leading to life and death
2. Feel Both Pulls: Experience the pull toward death and the call toward life
3. Meet Your Soul Purpose: Visualize your life's mission and unfinished business
4. Consider the Impact: See how your death would affect others versus how your life serves
5. Make the Choice: Consciously choose the path of life with full commitment
6. Seal the Decision: Visualize divine light blessing and empowering your choice to live
7. Call Back Your Energy: Retrieve any life force that was following the deceased

The Ancestral Life Blessing Ritual #

For generational death patterns:

1. Gather the Ancestral Council: Visualize meeting with all deceased family members
2. Acknowledge the Pattern: Recognize how death-following has affected your lineage
3. Understand the Love: Appreciate the love behind the death-following impulse
4. Request Release: Ask ancestors to release living family members from death pulls
5. Receive Life Blessing: Allow ancestors to bless and encourage your full life
6. Transform the Pattern: See the family pattern changing from death-following to life-celebrating
7. Future Protection: Create energetic barriers to prevent future death-following patterns

Advanced Healing: Working with Complicated Grief #

When Grief Becomes Deadly #

Sometimes normal grief transforms into life-threatening bereavement:

Complicated Grief: Grief that doesn't resolve naturally and begins threatening the griever's life
Traumatic Loss: Sudden, violent, or particularly tragic deaths that create complex trauma
Multiple Losses: Losing several important people in a short time period
Guilt-Based Grief: Grief complicated by guilt, regret, or unfinished business

The Records Approach to Complicated Grief #

Soul Perspective: Understanding grief as love seeking new expression rather than death-seeking
Spiritual Communication: Facilitating healthy communication with deceased loved ones
Love Transformation: Converting death-bonds into life-supporting love connections
Purpose Redefinition: Finding new meaning and purpose that incorporates the loss
Energy Restoration: Healing the life force depletion caused by complicated grief

Case Study: The Integrated Healing Approach #

The Situation: A mother whose child died in an accident was experiencing rapid health decline and expressing wishes to die
The Challenge: Traditional grief counseling wasn't addressing the spiritual death-pull
The Integration: Combining therapy with Records healing to address both psychological and spiritual aspects
The Process:

1. Psychological Support: Working with grief counselor on trauma processing
2. Spiritual Healing: Using Records to close death portals and transform love connections
3. Medical Care: Addressing physical health issues exacerbated by grief
4. Community Support: Connecting with other bereaved parents for practical support
5. Meaning-Making: Finding ways to honor the child while choosing life

Cultural and Religious Considerations #

Different Cultural Approaches to Death and Grief #

Western Individualism: Emphasis on moving through grief and returning to normal life
Eastern Traditions: Understanding death as transition, with varying approaches to ancestor connection
Indigenous Cultures: Complex relationships with ancestor spirits and appropriate boundaries
Religious Frameworks: Various theological perspectives on death, afterlife, and appropriate mourning

Respectful Integration #

Honor Cultural Wisdom: Respecting traditional approaches to death and mourning
Address Universal Patterns: Recognizing that death-following transcends cultural boundaries
Cultural Adaptation: Modifying healing approaches to fit within cultural and religious frameworks
Community Integration: Working within existing cultural support systems

When Professional Help is Essential #

Recognizing Dangerous Situations #

Active Suicidal Ideation: When death-following includes specific suicide plans
Severe Mental Health Crisis: When grief has triggered major psychiatric conditions
Self-Harm Behaviors: When the person is actively harming themselves
Complete Life Disengagement: When the person has stopped all self-care and life activities

Integration with Medical and Mental Health Care #

Medical Evaluation: Ensuring physical symptoms aren't masking serious medical conditions
Psychiatric Assessment: Professional evaluation for depression, PTSD, or other conditions
Suicide Prevention: Immediate intervention when life is in danger
Ongoing Therapy: Long-term therapeutic support for complicated grief processing

Life After Breaking the Death Pull #

Personal Transformation #

When death-following patterns are healed, people often experience:

Life Force Restoration: Return of energy, vitality, and enthusiasm for living
Future Orientation: Ability to plan and hope for the future again
Relationship Re-engagement: Renewed interest in connections with living people
Purpose Clarity: Understanding their unique mission and reason for continued living
Spiritual Integration: Healthy relationship with both life and death

Family System Healing #

Pattern Interruption: Breaking generational cycles of premature death
Life Celebration: Family culture shifting toward celebrating and supporting life
Grief Integration: Healthier approaches to processing loss and mourning
Ancestor Peace: Deceased family members experiencing peace knowing living members are safe
Future Protection: Creating family patterns that support life rather than encourage death

Service to Others #

Many people who heal death-following patterns become powerful healers and guides:

Grief Counseling: Using their experience to help others navigate loss
Life Advocacy: Passionate support for life-affirming choices and suicide prevention
Spiritual Guidance: Helping others understand healthy relationships with death and deceased loved ones
Family Healing: Breaking generational patterns in their own families and others

Maintaining Connection While Choosing Life #

The False Choice Between Love and Life #

Many people believe they must choose between honoring deceased loved ones and fully living. The Records show this is always a false choice.

Healthy Love Connection with the Deceased #

Heart Connection: Maintaining love bonds through the heart rather than death-pulls
Memory Honor: Celebrating deceased loved ones through full living rather than dying
Legacy Continuation: Carrying forward their values and love through life choices
Spiritual Communication: Healthy, boundaried communication that supports life
Service Integration: Using grief and love as fuel for service to others

Conclusion: Choosing Life as the Ultimate Love #

Breaking the pull toward premature death is ultimately about understanding that choosing life is the highest expression of love for deceased family members. Through the Akashic Records, we learn that our deceased loved ones don't want us to join them prematurely – they want us to live fully, love deeply, and complete our unique spiritual mission.

The death-following impulse comes from beautiful love, but it serves neither the living nor the dead. When we transform death-bonds into life-supporting love connections, we honor our deceased loved ones while claiming our birthright to live fully until our natural death time.

Your life has meaning and purpose that extends beyond your grief. The love you carry for deceased family members is meant to fuel your life, not end it. When you choose life fully, you demonstrate the highest form of love – allowing their love to inspire your living rather than motivate your dying.

In the sacred space of your Akashic Records, you can safely feel the pull toward death, understand its loving motivation, and consciously choose life. This choice doesn't diminish your love – it transforms it into the most powerful force for healing, service, and spiritual growth.

The deceased don't need you to die for them. They need you to live for them, carrying their love forward into service, creation, and the full expression of your soul's purpose. This is how love transcends death – not by joining it, but by choosing life so completely that death becomes a natural completion rather than a desperate escape.

Your choice to live fully is your greatest gift to those who have died before you and those who will continue after you. In choosing life, you honor death by making every moment of your earthly existence a celebration of the love that connects all souls across all realms.