It happened years ago. That is not why you are stuck

When something old still hurts, we hear the same advice. It was a long time ago. Just move on.

I get why people say it. Not living in the past is a good goal. But the clock is not the problem.

Time isn't as real as it feels. For your soul, it's all still happening now. So an old hurt isn't stuck because it was long ago. Often it's stuck because that moment was too big to take in when it happened.

Think of a sudden shock. Your mind can't take it all in at once. So it puts the moment aside, like a message you were too shaken to read. It's still sitting there, waiting.

That's why "I should be over this by now" misses the point. The question isn't how long ago it was. It's whether that moment ever got met with calm instead of shock.

You can't change what happened. You don't have to. You can change how it lives in you, by meeting it differently right now.

Here's something to try. Pick one old moment that still pulls at you. Start with a small one, not the heaviest thing you've got. Let yourself feel what comes up, the fear, the anger, the sadness. Give it a full minute. Don't skip this part. It never got felt entirely the first time, so feel it first.

Then accept that it happened. Picture light around that moment. Say to yourself, "It happened. It doesn't have to mean what it meant then. I'm here now. I choose to release this pain and be at peace." Stay with that for a few minutes.

If it floods you, stop and breathe. Go slower.

Give it a try this week. Then reply and tell me what you notice.