Maybe you are not bad at managing time

"I never have enough time." I hear this regularly, and the usual answer is a schedule answer. Prioritize. Delegate. Say no. Get a better planner.

Maybe you've tried all of it, and the days are still too full.

Think of someone who is loyal to being poor. Money comes in. They lose it. Part of them - the part that's loyal to the family's past limitations - feels it's supposed to stay in the feeling of poverty. Now use the same idea on time. You can be loyal to never having enough of it - loyal to living stressed out and anxious. Take one thing off the plate and something else fills the space.

For some people, this is the real reason why there's a sense of not enough time. In my work with people, it is one of the first places I look. I don't start with the calendar. I ask who in the family lived at the worn-out end. Think of a line from easy to stretched thin. Who was stretched thin? What did their days look like?

Often it's a parent who was exhausted raising kids. Sometimes being worn out becomes the way a family lives. Then you keep it going out of love. It's a way of staying close to them.

Your load may be completely real. Kids, work, people who need you. A real load can still keep refilling. And when you try to fix yourself, that just gives you another thing to do.

Here's what you can try today. Ask yourself that question. Then take a moment to feel what those days cost them, and what carrying it has cost you. If that parent also hurt you, start with that, before any thanks.

Then, alone and out loud, say:

"Thank you for what you gave up."

"I'm ready to stop sacrificing in order to be like you."

"I can love you and still live differently."

"Do I have your permission to be more relaxed than you were?"

If they've passed or you can't reach them, it works the same. If the worn-out one was a grandparent, say it to them. Use your own words, and only say the parts that are true for you. If this stirs up something important, let's talk.