Your project was never actually yours

So I have this conversation a lot with people building something of their own - a business, a book, a program, anything that started as their idea. They're white-knuckling it, like the whole thing succeeding or failing says something about who they are.

The problem is that their identity often gets too wrapped up in the project - they have a strong need for it to succeed. And that need comes from a place of fear - a sense that if the project doesn't give you something - status, money, recognition - then you are somehow less.

The teaching I share is that your project isn't entirely yours. Not in the way you think. Once you create something, it has its own energy and its own sense of how it wants to grow - much like a child. You're the project's guide or custodian, not its owner - even if it's a business you own - much like a parent.

A house gets finished. A child doesn't. You don't finish a child. You don't fully control one either. You don't get full credit if they turn out well, or full blame if they don't. You show up. You tend it. You protect it while it's small. But plenty else shapes what it becomes too - other people, timing, circumstances that aren't entirely under your control.

Your business is the same. Your book is the same. I had someone tell me recently they couldn't sleep because their business plan "wasn't finished yet" - like the project itself was unfinished business of their own soul. It isn't. It's just not done becoming whatever it's becoming, and that's not a verdict on them.

Next time you catch yourself holding onto something you built like your worth depends on how it turns out, notice that the grip is real first - of course you care, that's not the problem. You very likely are caring too much.

Then try asking a question. Not "how do I force this project's success so I can feel good about myself," but "how do I take good care of this while it's in my hands." Try to shift your focus from "what can I get from this project?" to "what does this project want from me?".

When you feed your projects with love rather than fear they will grow up healthier and happier - and be far more likely to succeed.