An old trick that gets your resistance to talk back

So there's an old Gestalt therapy exercise I taught in one of my group sessions this week, because I think everyone should have it in their pocket: whenever you're trying to change something, there are really two of you in the room. One wants the change- your conscious self. One is scared of it- your subconscious self, and it usually doesn't get invited to speak - it just quietly runs the show from the background instead.

So give your subconscience a voice. Literally. Get two chairs and face them toward each other.

Sit in the first chair as the part of you resisting whatever it is - a habit, a decision, a relationship, anything you keep circling instead of changing. Just start talking. Why don't you want this to change? What are you actually protecting? What happens if it does change?

Then get up, walk to the other chair, and sit down as the part of you that's ready. Answer back. Don't think your way there - let whatever wants to come out, come out.

Keep switching chairs until something real shows up. In my experience it doesn't take long, and what shows up is rarely vague. It's usually a specific fear, or a specific memory, that's been quietly running things without ever being acknowledged before. When it shows up, stop and feel it in your body first, not just your head, before you try to explain it or fix it. Once it's been fully felt and said out loud, in an actual voice, sitting in an actual chair, it tends to move. Not because you figured it out. Because it finally got heard.

If something bigger comes up than you expected, that's normal, not a sign you did it wrong. Pause, breathe, and bring it to someone you trust if you need to, instead of sitting with it alone.

This isn't only for big stuff. Use it on anything two parts of you disagree about - even who you are now versus who you're becoming. The chairs aren't the trick. The trick is that you finally let both sides talk, instead of only ever hearing from whichever one already won the argument in your head.

Pick something you're stuck on this week. Two chairs. Two voices. See what actually needed to be said.

If you give this a try let me know how it goes. I personally read every email.