What did I do in a past life to deserve this?

So here's a question I get asked more than almost any other: "What did I do in a past life to deserve this?"

It usually comes when something hurts and doesn't make sense. A parent who was cold. A relationship that keeps going the same way. The mind wants a reason, so it grabs the oldest one it knows. I must have done something wrong.

I get why. If there's a reason, at least the pain isn't random. But karma isn't a punishment. It's not a bill coming due.

Here's what I've found when I look across lifetimes. You've been the one who got hurt. You've also been the one who did the hurting. You've been both.

Why does that matter? Because it changes what forgiveness feels like. It's hard to forgive someone when you're sure you're the innocent one and they're the guilty one. It's a lot easier when you know you've stood in their shoes.

That doesn't make what happened okay. But you can put down something heavy a lot more easily when you aren't the only innocent person in the story.

One warning. Don't let this become a place to rest. "It's just my karma" is where a lot of people stop. Use it to forgive, then move on.

So here's something to try. Think of one person who hurt you. Don't rush to the answer. Just feel it for a minute. Then ask quietly, "Where have I been on the other side of this?" Notice what comes up. Reply and tell me what you notice.